Some self-deprecation, and a recipe

Dont this before I think, but eh…

***
Nine-year-old Edward: “You better not be a CONFORMIST! I HATE conformists!”
Present Edward: “I don’t even know, kid. I agree with you though.”
9yo:”..goddamnit, you’ve turned into an ADULT haven’t you?”
E:”Yeah. Sorry, kid. If it’s any consolation, I was dragged here kicking and screaming.”
***
Twelve-year-old-Edward:”So, has the Second Impact happened yet?!”
E:”er… no.”
12yo:”…so what exactly do you do all day?”
E:”Good question. Not much.”
***
16-year-old-Edward:”What’s uni like?”
E:”Pretty sweet.”
16yo:”Cool. Can’t wait.”
***
Edward from this morning:”Did I end up jerking off later today?”
E:”No, I had a nap instead.”

And, as promised a recipe:
SIMPLE AS FUCK VEGETABLE SOUP
Soup is one of the easiest things to make, and roast vegetable soup is pretty much one of the laziest things you can do and still say you made a home-cooked meal. Let’s do this.

Ingredients:
-In terms of vegetables, pretty much whatever you want. As little or as many or whatever the hell you have on hand. As a general rule, though, go light on strongger vegetables like turnips and okra (Who the fuck would use that in a soup anyway?) unless you want your soup to taste like ass. Pulses like lentils can give it a bit of body as well, but honestly? Go raid you vegetable drawer and use what’s there, it’ll turn out ok anyway.
-Enough stock to cover the vegetables, or more or less depending on how thick you want it.
-Spices. Again, whatever you like/have on hand but again don’t overdo it.

Preparation:
Peel, chop, do whatever to your vegetables (Soak pulses et cetera) and whack anything that needs to be cooked in the oven with some spices or even just a bit of garlic. When cooked, chuck it into a pan, cover with stock, bring to a boil and then simmer for an hour or so. I like to leave things overnight so the flavours have a chance to get to know one another, but if you’re really hungry and youve cooked everything beforehand, you probably don’t need to cook for more than half an hour or so. Remove from heat and blend the fuck out of it with a hand-blender. Or not, if you like broth+vegetables. Either way, cut a pice of bread and sit down to your hot, home-cooked meal.